Stand up and be counted

Stand up and be counted

I appeal that we combat this sleazy disease called “Street harassment”.

I stand in front of you in anguish, trepidation lest I may not be understood for my intention,

lest I be misunderstood for voicing a volatile subject,

lest I be dismissed as a feminist.

I stand as a woman, as a mother for my daughter and a thousand other daughters like her who go through this harrowing experience every day, twice. 

Months ago my daughter and her friend came home raging about Chennai ... Changing their opinion about this lovely city. Saying they wanted to move out of this city, that Men here were lecherous and cheap. 

I was shocked and stunned

What happened? 

Men lift their lungis, they stare at us like they have never seen a woman before, make crude remarks about our body , our dress , they sing lewd songs when we walk by they even try to grope ,or pinch our bottoms at traffic signals and today in “27 D” as we were standing in a crowded bus talking , there was this well dressed man swaying towards us leering in our direction, holding the iron rod near our fingers , how do we express that he was unwelcome the conductor passed by feigning blindness as did many other people till an old lady came to our rescue shouted him in the most musical colourful language, and he slunk away . I feel so dirty; a hundred baths will not cleanse me 

I sat speechless, my skin crawled and my stomach churned. I had this wonderful picture of taking my daughter moving away to another country where women will not be leered at, or seen as objects of desire.

With due respect and acceptance to the exceptions seated here, I ask what can I do about this? What can you do about this? How can we tip the balance against street harassment?

After a sleepless night I formed a 5 step approach called AWARE to build confidence and preparedness 

v  A Accept that you are a woman, and don't belittle yourself for your looks, height, colour or weight, hold your head high and believe in yourself don't panic. 

v  W Watch yourself ... Pause be perceptive gauge your locality, surroundings, pre-empt any situation which can lead to touch. 

v  A Act as if you already have help, look at who might be able to rouse a ruckus and support you.

v  R Remember to call the police, or parents, or anyone else near by. 

v  E Ensure you are not in the dark ,and lonely areas ensure you do not travel alone keep a safety measure like pepper spray ,or chilly powder.

Having said this our fear and insecurity to step out has to be burnt we like Phoenix have to fly again, rise from this deteriorating ashes 

If we as urban middle class do not stand up how will others who live in smaller villages fight this insolent might? 

Build awareness, use this awareness, create awareness, apply this awareness 

I ask of every single person not to drive away when you see such injustice happen .Time and again I bless this old lady for her gumption to shout away a lecherous worm and save my daughter of her dignity.

I appeal to change our mindset, to sensitise ourselves to the women in our lives, to stand up and be counted as a voice that will be heard against street harassment 

I remember this poem I read in a world war 2 written by a pastor Martin Niemoller

I quote:

First they came for the Socialists. ,

And

I did not speak out, because I was not a Socialist

Then they came for the trade unionists

And

I did not speak out because I was not a trade unionist

Then they came for the Jews

And

I did not speak out because I was not a Jew

Then they came for me

And

There was no one to speak for me

Stand up and be counted, let our collective psyche change darkness to dawn 

Can we allow our women to be muted by such deviants? 

Will you stand up and be counted? 

                                                                  ___

The Abilene Paradox

I was reading this article "The Abilene Paradox" by Jerry B Harvey ..... It struck home a true chord , given my convictions on openness and truth , it made a lot of sense.

This article talks about how, ever so often we do not speak our minds , for fear of being the odd one out , as he calls it the' Fear of Separation ., separation from the group , family so we step in line to be perceived as the normal one.

Through our advertisements and good morning messages we shout at the top of our voices to follow your heart , dreams and desires, it's very rare that you actually witness or be that person who will tell your team or boss that this research project is doomed to fail because of the outdated data , or any other reason.

We also harbour a " Action Anxiety "which translates into a belief that stems from acting according to what the members believe what needs to be done , or said.

So comparing it to 'The Emperors New Clothes' where the entire kingdom praises the Kings new clothes , simply because none of them wanted to be seen as incompetent . So including the King thinks and behaves like he has worn the most exotic , dress in the entire kingdom till a young child exclaims , that ' He isn't wearing any"! . The risk that this child takes when he is reprimanded and chided by many other grown ups for fear of penalty , is an attribute that we as members of society , organization , why even families slowly diminishes .
This could be for 3 reasons 1 it's not my problem and 2 What's in it for me ? 3 a kind of blindness that we have unknowingly grown with , the desire and consciousness to step out and voice it , has become a huge risk.

We believe in "Negative Fantasies",

even when managers and members of an organization see and believes and sometimes know the truth , they prefer to believe that speaking their truth would in way bring about a loss of face or loyalty would be questioned or a loss of prestige , position , or job would be at stake they could be ostracised or labelled as non team players.

Risk is a reality of life ,a condition of existence . John F Kennedy said " Life is unfair"but we have in the history of our times revered and worshipped those who took the risk . Nelson Mandela , Gandhi , Martin Luther King , or even today's Malala . 

All risks have consequences , however not taking the risk may paradoxically place us in situations which we actually fought against .

We did not want a loss of face , or prestige or even financial loss , but by not risking to speak our truth , we have jeopardised that which we fought to save.

Boats and Beach

Stream of Consciousness

Tamasic-Self-Esteem

     Last week, I met this 75 year old gentlemen.  He was an agnostic and now into meditation and pranayama. A very hale and hearty person, balding with large eyes and a rotund tummy. We got around to talking about meditation and he asked me whether we could meditate together the next morning. I promptly agreed. After my morning walk, we met at my balcony and meditated in the same space. 
After the meditation he educated me about Buddhist approach to meditation.     I replied that I was comfortable with my Gayathri Mantra and it worked for me. After few minutes he left and it was difficult for him to converse with me after that. 
What went wrong?
We all have our Self Esteem or imagine we do have a strong one. This Self Esteem while confident about many things, is defensive about any comment or remark about the perceived Self. It's like a red beep that goes off when it imagines a poke at Self. It catches all offenses that floats in the air and makes it its own. It attempts to personalize the story, add drama and top it up at a personal rejection. 
In Mexico, there are dream catchers that are placed near the bed to catch a person's dream. Similarly, we have our own dream catchers activated to catch all offenses, victim-hoods, hurts, criticisms and pain so that my perceived Self Esteem becomes Rajasic or worse Tamasic. 
It reaps and confers hatred, blame, resentment, jealousy, guilt or shame. 
The Self feels justified and seeks a natural retribution which lends a righteous purpose for their living. 

Shrink Your Snakes

                         Shrink Your Snakes 

I was coaching one of my clients , she was sharing that one of her main challenge to all her problems was that she was risk averse and loathe to take any action , so she felt demotivated and nervous about any escalation that happened in her office . Did she feel competent enough, Yes! she affirmed But she did not feel she could cope with the problems that might arise .

So I asked her to imagine a snake in the room , and what would her reaction be ? she said she would scream and run and hang on to the fan . she imagined it to be a 5 ft quite heavy , pock marked venomous , lying on the side of the table .

I asked her to imagine that she could shrink the snake .

So she shrunk it to a black thin one lying in the corner a feet long 

Now what would she do? I asked 

She said she would call the gardener and have it removed 

the silence of realization hit us 

How often do we create big snakes in our minds , that it renders us powerless , and incapable  of action depletes our ability to cope . Yet time and time again we have in reality coped with harsher and tougher situations , sudden crisis , unexpected ambiguities , unknown people 

My invitation .. how would it be  if I could shrink my snakes into a manageable perspective? 

How does it make me be , when I do ?

children are the most spiritual

AndhraBhoomiAsian AgeFinancial Chronicle

Home > Sunday Chronicle
Children are the most spiritual

July 26th, 2009
By Shyleswari M. Rao
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You might find this hard to believe, but saints, soothsayers or faith healers are not the most spiritual beings on Earth. That singular distinction goes to children and them alone. You might ask why and I could give you a thousand reasons. But above all, it’s the incorruptible nature of their innocent minds that makes them one of God’s finest creations.Let’s take a simple analogy to illustrate this. As a child you might remember attending family functions, ala a wedding, a housewarming ceremony, the baptism of a cousin and so on. And as is common during such occasions, your parents would’ve prodded you into saying ‘hello’ to that distant uncle or a maternal aunt whom you haven’t met since God knows how long.At that age, your response would be pretty natural i.e. if you wanted to greet them, you would instantly do so. And if you didn’t feel like it, you wouldn’t. But that’s not the case when you grow up. The same request would be treated in an altogether different context.A thousand queries begin flooding your mind; like would greeting the person in question open a new avenue for you — personally, professionally or otherwise? Would it raise your bar in the eyes of those around you? With so much of premeditation going on in your mind, a simple act of just greeting a person turns complicated.But children are devoid of this complexity. They don’t come with any baggage — mental, psychological, familial, whatsoever. The tendency and ability to scheme and manipulate things according to one’s requirement is exclusive to adults, not children. For them, every transaction doesn’t begin with the notion ‘what’s in it for me?’This selfless nature is in itself Godliness, a state where the concern for self is not the highest priority. It’s just one among the several things adults can learn from children — in this case not attaching a value proposition to every interaction in life.In many ways, spirituality is about getting in touch with your inner child. There are some very valid arguments to support this. For starters, look at the harried lives that millions around the world are living these days. You can see a pattern of dysfunction emerge right from the time adults begin supervising the lives of their children in a success-driven manner.At school, one is expected to be nothing less than perfect. In college, every ounce of imperfection has to be offset by an exceptional achievement in another sphere; otherwise it becomes impossible to be a part of the pack. At least, this is how children are being groomed these days. And the same values get translated to their adulthood as well.For those overtly concerned about their physical appearance or the fact that they are aging too soon, take some pointers from children. There’s nothing more important to a child than living in the now or the present. Sometimes, their need to stay in the present might come across as stubbornness. But have you ever seen children forsaking a game of cricket with their friends, out of fear of dirtying their clothes or of getting injured during play?For them, it’s the pleasure of living in the present that’s more important; shabby clothes and bruises are just incidental. It is said that spirituality has an answer to almost every question in life. When you’re faced with seemingly insurmountable odds, you look for salvation in God. But then, one doesn’t really need to go looking for peace of mind or happiness to reach places. You can find it within yourself, within your inner child.
The writer is a human growth trainer at theVed Vyas Inner Space
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Submitted by sabari bala (not verified) on Mon, 27/07/2009 - 6:33pm.
great article.