The Abilene Paradox

I was reading this article "The Abilene Paradox" by Jerry B Harvey ..... It struck home a true chord , given my convictions on openness and truth , it made a lot of sense.

This article talks about how, ever so often we do not speak our minds , for fear of being the odd one out , as he calls it the' Fear of Separation ., separation from the group , family so we step in line to be perceived as the normal one.

Through our advertisements and good morning messages we shout at the top of our voices to follow your heart , dreams and desires, it's very rare that you actually witness or be that person who will tell your team or boss that this research project is doomed to fail because of the outdated data , or any other reason.

We also harbour a " Action Anxiety "which translates into a belief that stems from acting according to what the members believe what needs to be done , or said.

So comparing it to 'The Emperors New Clothes' where the entire kingdom praises the Kings new clothes , simply because none of them wanted to be seen as incompetent . So including the King thinks and behaves like he has worn the most exotic , dress in the entire kingdom till a young child exclaims , that ' He isn't wearing any"! . The risk that this child takes when he is reprimanded and chided by many other grown ups for fear of penalty , is an attribute that we as members of society , organization , why even families slowly diminishes .
This could be for 3 reasons 1 it's not my problem and 2 What's in it for me ? 3 a kind of blindness that we have unknowingly grown with , the desire and consciousness to step out and voice it , has become a huge risk.

We believe in "Negative Fantasies",

even when managers and members of an organization see and believes and sometimes know the truth , they prefer to believe that speaking their truth would in way bring about a loss of face or loyalty would be questioned or a loss of prestige , position , or job would be at stake they could be ostracised or labelled as non team players.

Risk is a reality of life ,a condition of existence . John F Kennedy said " Life is unfair"but we have in the history of our times revered and worshipped those who took the risk . Nelson Mandela , Gandhi , Martin Luther King , or even today's Malala . 

All risks have consequences , however not taking the risk may paradoxically place us in situations which we actually fought against .

We did not want a loss of face , or prestige or even financial loss , but by not risking to speak our truth , we have jeopardised that which we fought to save.