WHY AM I UNHAPPY ?

Today, my door bell rang, I opened the door with great difficulty using my right hand.

“Anand”,  what a lovely surprise?“What's up Anand, you look down”Yeah Shyla, I want to talk to you“Sure”, sit down.It's my son , I caught him on the net last night , it was, maybe 11 and he was preparing to sell his bike on olxAnd When I asked him, “Why?”He said his bike is too old I bought it just 2 years back, now, he wants to sell it and get him a new one


Silence


“What do want of me?”
I want you to tell me why do I feel so trapped
I feel stifled , lonely and helpless
Ok Anand let's look at it this way 
I see 3 reasons as to why you feel like this
A simple questions can you afford this fifty thousand
No
So let go
Abhi is trapped in three perspectives
He is unhappy 

It will cost me at least another 50,000/- because he is comparing himself to his peers ,

so, he is jealous 

This is because he may feel accepted , or peer pressure , or simply to feel good.

The second he feels entitled , he thinks it is his birthright to be happy , and you have to make him as long as we think somebody else has to make me happy , 

it's not going to happen only I can make myself happy                

Third,  I (abhi) thinks more goods more happiness .. That also doesn't work ..unless I decide to make my life work , I can't be happy if I continue this way one day I'm in for a shock , draw face that hey I have everything yet I'm not happy.

"Talk to abhi", help him see that it's not possible for you to keep buying him more and more.Whether or not I deserve happiness isn’t even the point. Really, here’s the rub…if He let go of his fear of sadness what am I left with?I’m left with myself.What I’ve realized is that if I let go of this fear then I am free to be happy. Then it’s all up to me. And that is a huge responsibility.No waiting for someone else to make me happy. No waiting for a boyfriend or a spouse or a friend or a dream job or lots of money or whatever else I’ve fantasized might make me happy.Nope. None of that. Only left with myself and the responsibility to myself to let go and be happy, in spite of my circumstances. Despite the fact that not everything is right in my world nor are the planets aligned. Despite all the crap life has sent my way. Despite the tears of grief that I've wept and the losses I've endured. Despite the fact that I never did get that one phone call I’d hoped for. 
Despite all of the things that may have gone wrong or all of the things that might have gone right.


I’m left with me to make myself happy. That’s a tall order.


I am responsible for my own happiness.


But I’m afraid that I've cracked this one open. "The genie is out of the bottle".
As I sit here questioning what the hell  does any of this really mean?

There’s no turning back now, because the genie is out of the bottle.
Perhaps it’s time to let your genie out of the bottle. There’s no telling what magic this genie can perform in your life. What’s holding you back in your life?Throughout the years, I've learned there are certain traits and habits chronically unhappy people seem to have mastered. But before diving in with you, let me preface this and say: we all have bad days, even weeks when we fall down in all seven areas.
Your default belief is that life is hard. Happy people know life can be hard and tend to bounce through hard times with an attitude of curiosity versus victimhood. They take responsibility for how they got themselves into a mess, and focus on getting themselves out of it as soon as possible.
Perseverance towards problem-solving versus complaining over circumstances is a symptom of a happy person. Unhappy people see themselves as victims of life and stay stuck in the "look what happened to me" attitude versus finding a way through and out the other side.
2. You believe most people can't be trusted. I won't argue that healthy discernment is important, but most happy people are trusting of their fellow man. They believe in the good in people, versus assuming everyone is out to get them. Generally open and friendly towards people they meet, happy people foster a sense of community around themselves and meet new people with an open heart.
Unhappy people are distrustful of most people they meet and assume that strangers can't be trusted. Unfortunately this behavior slowly starts to close the door on any connection outside of an inner-circle and thwarts all chances of meeting new friends.
3. You concentrate on what's wrong in this world versus what's right. There's plenty wrong with this world, no arguments here, yet unhappy people turn a blind eye to what's actually right in this world and instead focus on what's wrong. You can spot them a mile away, they'll be the ones complaining and responding to any positive attributes of our world with "yeah but".
Happy people are aware of global issues, but balance their concern with also seeing what's right. I like to call this keeping both eyes open. Unhappy people tend to close one eye towards anything good in this world in fear they might be distracted from what's wrong. Happy people keep it in perspective. They know our world has problems and they also keep an eye on what's right.
4. You compare yourself to others and harbor jealousy. Unhappy people believe someone else's good fortune steals from their own. They believe there's not enough goodness to go around and constantly compare yours against theirs. This leads to jealousy and resentment.
Happy people know that your good luck and circumstance are merely signs of what they too can aspire to achieve. Happy people believe they carry a unique blueprint that can't be duplicated or stolen from -- by anyone on the planet. They believe in unlimited possibilities and don't get bogged down by thinking one person's good fortune limits their possible outcome in life.
5. You strive to control your life. There's a difference between control and striving to achieve our goals. Happy people take steps daily to achieve their goals, but realize in the end, there's very little control over what life throws their way.
Unhappy people tend to micromanage in effort to control all outcomes and fall apart in dramatic display when life throws a wrench in their plan. Happy people can be just as focused, yet still have the ability to go with the flow and not melt down when life delivers a curve-ball.
The key here is to be goal-oriented and focused, but allow room for letting sh*t happen without falling apart when the best laid plans go awry- because they will. Going with the flow is what happy people have as plan B.
6. You consider your future with worry and fear. There's only so much rent space between your ears. Unhappy people fill their thoughts with what could go wrong versus what might go right.
Happy people take on a healthy dose of delusion and allow themselves to daydream about what they'd like to have life unfold for them. Unhappy people fill that head space with constant worry and fear.
Happy people experience fear and worry, but make an important distinction between feeling it and living it. When fear or worry crosses a happy person's mind, they'll ask themselves if there's an action they can be taken to prevent their fear or worry from happening (there's responsibility again) and they take it. If not, they realize they're spinning in fear and they lay it down.
7. You fill your conversations with gossip and complaints. Unhappy people like to live in the past. What's happened to them and life's hardships are their conversation of choice. When they run out of things to say, they'll turn to other people's lives and gossip.
Happy people live in the now and dream about the future. You can feel their positive vibe from across the room. They're excited about something they're working on, grateful for what they have and dreaming about the possibilities of life.
Obviously none of us are perfect. We're all going to swim in negative waters once in a while, but what matters is how long we stay there and how quickly we work to get ourselves out. Practicing positive habits daily is what sets happy people apart from unhappy people, not doing everything perfectly.
Walk, fall down, get back up again, repeat. It's in the getting back up again where all the difference resides.

Source: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/tamara-star/7-habit-of-chronically-unhappy-people_b_6174000.html?ir=India

LOOKING FEAR IN THE FACE

 Imagine a world where you are not afraid of your boss , when you do not hesitate to speak your mind ... That would amazing.. Right?
I was coaching Naveen last Thursday ..and we discovered this simple technique

Naveen shared that he was often nervous and tongue tied when he went for meetings to his Vice President ..however much he prepared he was found to be lacking and came out disappointed with himself ,and sometimes even demotivated.

As we started our session he shared how as a person he was always ready to honour his commitments to others , he kept his word and mostly managed to complete ninety percent of what he promised. But he rarely adhered to his own commitments .. For two reasons First he thought he would get yelled at , second his image would take a beating .so kept his word , whereas to himself he thought no one would know if he forgot to do what he said he would .He was an Obliger ..a people pleaser,

So we set to work ,I asked him to show me how he conversed with his boss , he stood very timidly ,his hands behind his back , I told him to stand straight and look confident ,to keep his chin up . It matters believe me
If we had to look closely at his fear What would he see ... He said he would be able to see that there was nervousness ,and he was blank mainly


Now look at your fearlessness , how does that look to you .he was quick he said he could see ability to cope , firmness,clarity of thought,a vision,decisiveness,and being present to his boss , wow
How can you bring about all this .?
He noticed that when he spoke he used words like 'maybe' and 'probably 'in almost every sentence .he decided to stop that .
Then he decided to note all the main points that his boss spoke and ask questions about it , he thought if he was a lawyer he would certainly do that
Next he committed to giving a date as to when he would do it
And most importantly decided to shrink his fear into manageable size

The change in voice and tenor was evident, he had already decided to become positive and open to experimenting new behaviour ..
I felt convinced , I was ready to leave him more confident of his competencies